A little bit more, a little bit more

This is how poor I am. I made my entire house go without toilet paper for two days, because I left the coupon my office manager gave me at work over the weekend. And saving a whopping $1.50 is a big deal right now!

It's honestly depressing. I work 40+ hours, but am stuck with an intern's pay, while my friends work the same or less than I do and make double. I love where I work, but I can't shake the feeling that somehow the world is just being completely unfair when it comes to this issue!

It's injustice I tell you! At least it feels like it when I walk by a pair of shoes that are calling my name like two Greek sirens (though admittedly, the shoes are almost always decidedly Italian). It just feels like a frustratingly big ordeal when I can't have what I want when I want. Isn't that what my college education was for!

OK. Reality check. I've passed the shoes. I'm out of the Siren's range. And once again, I remember that my financial woes are ridiculously smaller and more petty than what Afghan women have to deal with. I don't have to beg in order to support my children. And I don't feel so helpless that dousing my body with kerosene and lighting a match feels like the only way to exert some control over my life--even if it means that I end it as a result.

Last night I stayed up watching a CNN special on the condition of Afghanistan since the US invaded. To put it mildly, my personal depression turned to deep gratitude. I can't afford an Acura TL and I don't have cash laying around for Coach purses or Burberry jackets, but I can pay my bills and walk in public without being ridiculed or oppressed. I'm allowed to speak my mind. My ideas and words are considered worthy by men and women alike. Hell, my boss even lets me wear my nose stud without question!

It seems as though it's human nature to always want just a bit more than what we have. At times this be a good thing. That "reaching for the stars" attitude pushes us, but if we aren't careful--if we don't allow ourselves to put a situation into perspective--it can also hold us back.

I wouldn't mind a little bit more, but I also realize that when looking at my life through the lens of greater part of the world's whole, the sum of my experience is really quite great.

Still. Can somebody remind me of all of this the next time there is a sale at Nordstroms that I dare not even make a mental note of, for fear of maxing out every last credit card?