Monday, September 17, 2007

A little bit more, a little bit more

This is how poor I am. I made my entire house go without toilet paper for two days, because I left the coupon my office manager gave me at work over the weekend. And saving a whopping $1.50 is a big deal right now!

It's honestly depressing. I work 40+ hours, but am stuck with an intern's pay, while my friends work the same or less than I do and make double. I love where I work, but I can't shake the feeling that somehow the world is just being completely unfair when it comes to this issue!

It's injustice I tell you! At least it feels like it when I walk by a pair of shoes that are calling my name like two Greek sirens (though admittedly, the shoes are almost always decidedly Italian). It just feels like a frustratingly big ordeal when I can't have what I want when I want. Isn't that what my college education was for!

OK. Reality check. I've passed the shoes. I'm out of the Siren's range. And once again, I remember that my financial woes are ridiculously smaller and more petty than what Afghan women have to deal with. I don't have to beg in order to support my children. And I don't feel so helpless that dousing my body with kerosene and lighting a match feels like the only way to exert some control over my life--even if it means that I end it as a result.

Last night I stayed up watching a CNN special on the condition of Afghanistan since the US invaded. To put it mildly, my personal depression turned to deep gratitude. I can't afford an Acura TL and I don't have cash laying around for Coach purses or Burberry jackets, but I can pay my bills and walk in public without being ridiculed or oppressed. I'm allowed to speak my mind. My ideas and words are considered worthy by men and women alike. Hell, my boss even lets me wear my nose stud without question!

It seems as though it's human nature to always want just a bit more than what we have. At times this be a good thing. That "reaching for the stars" attitude pushes us, but if we aren't careful--if we don't allow ourselves to put a situation into perspective--it can also hold us back.

I wouldn't mind a little bit more, but I also realize that when looking at my life through the lens of greater part of the world's whole, the sum of my experience is really quite great.

Still. Can somebody remind me of all of this the next time there is a sale at Nordstroms that I dare not even make a mental note of, for fear of maxing out every last credit card?

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

No Joke: I can actually see the ass crack of dawn from this asana that I am currently in

Man. I am so out of shape. Hopelessly. Pathetically. Unbecoming-of-my-athlete-status-ly. I am so freakin' out of shape.

And I'm not sure, but I think my chakras--while having temporarily agreed to stay open and at peace--are sore from the yoga I am attempting to do without throwing out my back. Is that even possible? For chakras to be sore? Somebody with scientific knowledge can correct me, but I swear on the great Buddha's right lotus blossom that mine are.

The best part (for you, not for me): I am getting up at 6:00 am to do it all again. You have full permission to laugh your own ass off at me now and call me nuts.

I already know that I'm crazy. But I'm also out of shape and the only way for me to get strong without having the thighs of a WWE/Body Builder/Sumo wrestler is to do less lifting and more yoga.

Maybe if I really go off the deep end, I'll mix in a little pilates while I'm at it. I can just hear my hamstrings crying, begging for mercy.

Though that begs the question: Are you even supposed to do yoga AND Pilate's? Aren't they inherently at odds? One: the lifestyle of the rich and spiritually lacking slash seeking some sort of assurance that they aren't completely selfish and greedy cause I do YOGA and/or the commune-seeking organic-eating raw-food-vegan-who still drinks tea-which technically is cooked-but gets away with it because their friends are all too damn high to care-hippie left-over and/or college wannabe. The other: the type-A control-freak who must discipline every aspect of their life right down to the very cells and strings which align to form their bodies in order to exist and not grow old b/c that would mean less ability-sharpness-and the all important-but never forgotten even at the end of this very long run on sentence-CONTROL.


Let go v. Hold on. Should be a good match between my lazy and increasingly soft muscle groups.

Or maybe I am just thinking about this entirely too much because my chakras really are freed up from the energy sun-moon link sequence that I completed this evening and my head won't turn off just quite yet. Not to mention that I probably really shouldn't judge, since half of the above judged as just a bit ridiculous qualities/characteristics/insecurities are in fact my very own.

So. See you at 6:00 if anyone wants to join my for a challenging advanced series. I'm sure the West Coasters are especially keen on being there at the East Coast's "Ass Crack of Dawn" with me and all my chakras.

But don't complain that I never invite you to anything.